The good thing about all this though is that James saw his first rainbow today. It was spectacular, a full one where you could see both ends at the same time. It's amazing to me that even after all this terrible weather, we can still see something so beautiful come from it.
And I guess that's what God is trying to teach me.
Our home has been a big ball of stress and anxiety recently, mostly because we're unsure of whether Eliot will get a job. If he doesn't, we lose our income and health insurance in June, and I'm not sure what we will do. Eliot's doing all he can and applying everywhere, but so far, nothing. More jobs are being posted every month and there are a lot, so who knows... maybe the right job just hasn't become available yet. But while we are waiting to see if/when/where we need to move, we're all pretty tense and, I'll admit, a little scared. Needless to say, it's a big storm cloud in our lives right now.
To make matters worse, our Kia is really starting to show it's age, and pretty much every time we do a long car trip (2hrs+) something new breaks. This time it is the air conditioning compressor, so I can no longer turn on the air conditioning or the defogger. At least we still have heat, right? Right. The kia is the only car we have that we can safely transport James in (the truck has no back seat), so we have to keep it running. Our plan was to get Eliot into a new job and then save up for a car since we don't believe in car payments... but I doubt it will last that long though. So I don't know what we can do about that... another storm cloud.
But here's the rainbow:
God's got a plan for us. He has had one up to this point, and it's gotten us here. I just need to trust that He knows what's best for us and will provide us with what we need.
"Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?
Sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will swim in the deep
'Cause You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach
God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand
God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You."
~Mikes Chair
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