Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Rough week

So the last few days have been not so great. Ok, they've been pretty awful. James is (I think) officially going through his 3-month growth spurt. So he had a few nights when he was eating every 2-3 hours again, and then a few days of just being exhausted all the time but refusing to sleep and instead just screaming. A lot. Loudly.

We tried EVERYTHING to get him to calm down, but it's just been frustrating... it's the worst feeling in the world to get so frustrated towards someone you love so much. And he doesn't know what he's doing, he's just crying, but it is AWFUL to hear and makes me want to lock myself in a closet and cry hysterically.

I have had several bouts of tears in the last few days, and even had to wake up Eliot last night at 2am when James had been up for an hour and wouldn't go back to sleep and I was just exhausted and couldn't handle it. I haven't had more than 5 hours of sleep in a row in at least 5 months, and it's starting to wear me down. James goes to sleep at 7 or 7:30pm, but I just can't make myself sleep that early. My brain won't shut off till 11pm or so, and then he is up at 1am for a feeding and again at 3 or 4am. Eliot takes care of him starting at 5am, but he now has to go to school in the mornings to I only get about a 3-4 hour stretch then.

"They" say that growth spurts often end with better/longer sleep but I have yet to see it. He did sleep from 5am to 7:30am this morning, which is new, but I don't anticipate it happening again. You just never know.

So I just needed to vent. I love James more than anything, and I know this is just a phase that will pass eventually. But I'm tired. And my contact fitting isn't going well and I'm on my 4th kind of contact and I still want to rip it out of my eye because it is so uncomfortable. And I haven't been out of the house in a week.

Please, Lord, let James sleep. For as long as possible. Thanks.

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