I was driving along the other day listening to some music on my iPod when this song came on, one of my favorites by Bebo Norman called "Nothing without You." It is always an emotional song for me, reminding me of my purpose on this earth, but when I reached this verse I just started to cry:
"Take my body and build it up
May it be broken as an offering of love."
That's exactly what is going on right now with me. God is building up my body to be a place of strength and growth for this little one, breaking it in so many ways in the process (morning sickness, joint pain, headaches, fatigue, etc). But it is for love that I am going through this, not only for my child and my husband, but to glorify my Creator in the process by sacrificing myself for His plan for us. Being broken has never felt so amazing, so right. What an incredible realization that this pregnancy isn't for me (since I felt the call for a long time to be a mom), but for love... to love God, Eliot, and, of course, this little one with the full extent of my being.
Ok, Lord, I understand now why I must be broken in the process of creation... so that You would be glorified in this sacrifice, that I will learn to lean on You for what I need instead of myself like I have been doing for so long.